i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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