Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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