Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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