just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
