Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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