There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
