He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
