is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
