i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
