So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
