I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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