i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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