somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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