Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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