You don't have asthma, your pregnant
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize