It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
