Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize