im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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