I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
