i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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