I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
