I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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