i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
