i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
