Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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