I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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