So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
