a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
