she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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