About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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