The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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