Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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