I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
