About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sober January is a disaster.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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