You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
