He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We were destined to go to rehab together
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
