First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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