Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
