just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I will pee on everything he values.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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