There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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