I'm gonna have a badass scar
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
