Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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