my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
