she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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