my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this boner is exhausting
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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