Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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