worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
