ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
