For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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