she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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