i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
