Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
