checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
