i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
