talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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