True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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