then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
