I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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