I'm pants shitting drunk right now
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
