I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
