you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
