tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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