Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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