So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
