I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
