I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
