What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
