I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
