so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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