i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
