Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You left your phone here
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