i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
