Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
