Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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