she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize