chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
