I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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