ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
