im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
