New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize