Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
