He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
