Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Girls should come with a carfax report
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
