I want to walk on stilts...naked
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
