and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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