He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize