Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
