You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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