you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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