I CAN MOONWALK!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
