he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
