Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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