i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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