White coat. Heels.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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