do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
