woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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