that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize